Butterflies and rocks

I was never very good at dating. I loved the butterflies, the excitement that getting ready for a first date brought, giggled phone calls, the first kiss, and all the accompanied a brief relationship. But I was never good at it.

Before my husband, my longest relationship was 3 months. I used to joke that 3 months was the limit because it would take me 1 and 1/2 months to figure out I didn't like the guy after the excitement went away, and 1 and 1/2 months to end it. But, that really does sum up 90% of the relationships I had before I met my husband.

Part of the problem is, I've always been to nice. I get that from my mother. I'm nice to everyone. And chatty, and genuinely interested, which many men take as flirty. And then, when I'd realized they thought I was flirty, I didn't want to lead them on, so I'd go on a date with them. And then I didn't want to be mean, so it turned into multiple dates.

Most of the time, I tried to convince myself that (a) he was a nice guy and that made up for the fact that I didn't find him attractive or (b) he was cute and that made up for him being a jerk. Before I knew it, I'd turn into the girlfriend of a guy I never liked or was attracted to initially. Thus, the revolving cycle.

There were a few guys I dated an genuinely liked. Very few, but a few.

Now, I realize how insecure of me that was. Instead of hurting some one's feelings, I'd make believe a relationship and attraction that didn't exist. I was a silly teenage girl.

Luckily, I'm not anymore.

I'm also a much better fiancee and now wife than I was at being a girlfriend.

I still love the butterflies and the excitement, but I love the comfort and stability more. I love knowing that I don't have to wear 6-inch heels and pretend I like motocross or rice rockets or emo music to get a boy to like me. Instead, I get to dress up and be real with my husband. I get to stay in my pajamas until noon and have breakfast in bed. I get to fall asleep next to my best friend each night and wake up to his sweet face each morning.

To me, being married is much more fun than dating. Maybe it's because I'm a newlywed and have only been married a year (in May), but I don't see what all the fuss against marriage is really about. It has been the most wonderful thing in my life and I adore being married.

And I think my husband would agree, I'm a pretty good wife. ;)